Krueger Nation Double Shot — ‘Montage’ and ‘A Killer for Every Train’

In this spotlight, Johnny Krueg digs up five celluloid slashers from the late-Bodacious era (ca. 1986 to 1989) in two awesome back-to-back episodes of the Krueger Nation podcast!

__** Krueger Nation — MONTAGE **__

kruegernation-masthead

“Some people actually are quite good at holding a camera steady. It just doesn’t happen very often in found-footage movies.” — Johnny Krueg

In this episode, host Johnny K talks about his latest Netflix choices, followed by some very funny reviews of two late-eighties classics, Evil Laugh and Slaughterhouse.

*    *    *

First, he talks about why the found-footage anthology V/H/S left him cold, but why he’ll still give V/H/S 2 a chance when it comes out.

Then he delves into some documentaries, starting with The Reinactors (2008), which takes you into the murky world of celebrity impersonators in Hollywood. It’s similar to the 2007 documentary, Confessions of a Superhero, which he reviewed in an earlier episode, but is, in his opinion, the better of the two.

Then the Krueg reviews the rather disturbing Girl 27 (2007). This documentary describes how MGM Studios allegedly destroyed the life of a young woman who was sexually assaulted at a studio party in 1937 after she tried to bring charges against her attacker. Johnny found it both depressing and fascinating, so he recommends it, but with a caveat that you should not watch it just before bedtime or if you are feeling in any way existential.

To lighten the mood, Johnny takes a gander at Upright Citizen’s Brigade‘s new live show, which is available on Netflix streaming as Upright Citizens Brigade: Asssscat. (Note the number of s‘s here if you decide to do a web search; one more or less, and Google returns nothin’ but porn sites. Nothin’ But Porn, I tells ya!)

Next, the Krueg checks out Identity Thief, the Jason Bateman/Melissa McCarthy road-trip movie  from earlier this year. Although he’d heard some pretty bad reviews, Johnny actually enjoyed watching this movie. He tells you why it worked for him, and then digs into the extra features so he can pass some cool behind-the-scenes apocrypha onto you.

*   *   *

For the ‘Look What You Did’ segment, Johnny shakes his head at Platinum Dunes and Paramount Pictures over two things: their regrettable handling of the upcoming Friday the 13th sequel, and their equally regrettable treatment of Derek (‘Jason’) Mears.

Then, Mike Cadaver calls in from the Center for Di-sleaze Control — just one of the many divisional offices of the Corpse Collective organization. This time, he whips out Justine de Sade, a 1972 French film directed by Claude Pierson. Mike sits through the original, uncut, and pretty-much unwatchable French version — just so you don’t have to, dammit — and his report is both hilarious and cautionary.

*   *   *

After that, the Krueg takes the wheel and reviews Evil Laugh (1986), written and directed by Dominick Brascia, and co-written by Steven Baio (Hey, Scott’s brother!). It’s about a bunch of medical interns who get together for a weekend party at a spooky house with a disturbing history, and get picked off one by one by a killer with, well, a creepy laugh.

Johnny vividly recounts several funny and memorable moments from the movie, including the awesome house-cleaning montage, and points out the amazing number of similarities between this film and Wes Craven’s Scream.

*     *     *

Then, it’s time to squeal like happy pigs, as we’re all shipped off to the Slaughterhouse (1987). Written and directed by Rick Roessler, it’s the heartwarming tale of a boy and his hog (aawww!), and their desperate fight to save the family slaughterhouse from being torn down by some nasty developers (boo!!). I guess you could say that Buddy has an axe to grind, and he knows how to use it! But will it be enough to save the Bacon family from ruin? (Okay, his name is Buddy Bacon, and his family runs a slaughterhouse where they mostly process pigs. If Alanis Morissette is reading this, remember, ma’am: that ain’t ironic, it’s jus’ funny.)

Anyway, the Krueg finds plenty to like about the movie in terms of the healthy balance between the darker content and the humour. He also finds the villains to be surprisingly compelling, and the gore effects, well, effective.

Of course, the price of admission into this episode is a musical montage, and this movie happily puts out, with not one, but two of them! The strangest montage involves a bunch of kids throwing on creepy masks, grabbing a camera, heading out to the slaughterhouse, and — well, I’ll leave it up to the Krueg to fill you in.

After this, he wraps up the show with ‘Life Lessons,’ followed by a brief explanation of why he loves those awesome five-dollar movie packs that you can get at your local Wal-Mart. (Agreed!)
Download it here!

[WARNING: Language and Mature Content]

[Original Podcast date: June 15, 2013]

[Runtime: 1 hr 19 min]

__** Krueger Nation — A Killer for Every Terrain **__

640px-F5_tornado_Elie_Manitoba_2007Wow! First, Johnny Krueg’s house in Oklahoma is hit by tornadoes, and then he has to review three terrible ’80s slashers. He’ll let you know which experience was worse in this episode of Krueger Nation.

*    *    *

First, he reviews some of the new stuff he watched this week, starting with Star Trek Into Darkness (where he makes a compelling argument for why Simon Pegg doesn’t appear too prominently in any of the Star Trek films). Then he looks favourably on the season finales of Bates Motel and Psych, as well as the entire fourth  season of Arrested Development.

*    *    *

After discussing his upcoming demo album (which sounds very cool!), it’s time for everyone’s favourite segment: Look What You Did! This time, remakes are in the crosshairs — specifically, an unnecessary reboot of the awesome Vincent Price classic, The Abominable Dr. Phibes.
Johnny explains why even Tim Burton (actually, especially Tim Burton) is a poor choice to direct this film. He also offers one or two alternatives that would make more sense for Mr. Burton to pursue (cough, cough, Beetlejuice 2, cough, cough).

*   *   *

And speaking of abominable, Johnny moves on to review three slasher films that were so forgettable that he can’t even find trailers for any of them, as not one of them has ever been released on DVD.
Not one… ever.

Up first is Blood Frenzy from 1987. According to Johnny, the story goes that legendary porn director (so, maybe not ‘legendary’ in a good way) Hal Freeman decided to take a break from creating spank material in order to direct a ‘legitimate’ film. The result was this brutal, misanthropic car wreck of a movie  ;-D

The story: A therapist and a bunch of her patients take a bus-ride out to some desert camp for a weekend of ‘isolation therapy’. (They are all deplorable people, so it seems like any kind of therapy would probably not be a bad thing.) Anyway, a killer is either waiting for them or is actually one of them, and, in the time-honoured slasher tradition, proceeds to KNOCK THEM OFF, ONE BY ONE…Mwaa-ha-ha-haaaah!

Although the plot sounds as deplorable as the characters, Mr. Krueg’s description of this bizarre movie is fortunately very entertaining. Which means that this podcast is probably as close as you’ll ever need to come to experiencing… Blooood Frennnzzzy!

And then it’s off to Australia for Houseboat Horror, a 1989 slasher that’s considered to be one of the worst films ever to be ejaculated from the Land of Chunder. The film follows a rock band as they travel to a scenic lake to shoot their latest video. However, a killer is either waiting for them or is actually one of them, and proceeds, in the time-honoured slasher tradition, to KNOCK THEM OFF, ONE BY– hey, wait a minute, that sounds…awfully familiar…

Anyway, one of the highlights is the four-minute-long (!) music montage, which Johnny describes as “basically like a four-minute epileptic seizure of people who don’t know how to play real instruments.” Hmm. Actually, in a horrible way, that sounds pretty awesome! (Ha ha —  no it doesn’t.)

Then it’s time to get Iced. This 1988 film is about a bunch of people who receive a mysterious invitation to a ski lodge four years after a mutual acquaintance died on the slopes. They all converge on the lodge, and homicidal hijinks ensue.

Although consistently lame throughout, the movie is saved by a surprise ending that Johnny found to be so “epic” that he has to discuss it. Yes, it is a spoiler, but his description is so entertaining that you’ll forgive him, and you’ll still want to see the movie afterward  🙂

*    *    *

After being exposed to such a horrendous concentration of really bad filmmaking, you could be excused for thinking that this episode seemed more like a one-hour  ‘Look What You Did!’ segment than a regular show. To be honest, if I had to review all the content that was discussed in this particular show, I would probably have ended up tying my shirt and shoelaces together and looking for a strong overhead beam.

But this is what separates a true slasher fan like the Krueg from most mere mortals: even while wallowing up to his waist in the most deplorable kinds of celluloid excrement, he keeps digging for the gold, he keeps it positive, and he keeps it funny.
And that. Is why. We listen.  🙂

Download the awesomeness here.

[WARNING: Language and Mature Content]

[Original Podcast date: June 1, 2013]

[Runtime: 1 hr 3 min]

masthead background: Jason Voorhees mask, by Esparta Palma | source | CC

tornado image from user ‘Justin1569’ at Wikimedia Commons | source | CC

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